Attempted Runner.

Half Mara-thoughts.

Apparently everyone is participating in the RunDisney – Walt Disney World Wine and Dine half marathon weekend. Everyone except me. Of course, there are people who are not running it either, but looks like they’re all running in other half/full marathons this weekend. Everyone’s running but me. Partly because I don’t feel like it and partly because I don’t want my knee to hurt….I want it to heal up, be 100% better and not bother me anymore. The only thing my doctor said was good for it, was rest. Resting is easier than running.

However, As I see all the RunDisney Instagram photos and everyone laying out their running clothes for tomorrow, it makes me want to run. It also makes me recall my very vivid memories of my first…and only half marathon (RunDisney Tinker Bell Half Marathon 2013). It makes me want to run another half. Makes me want to do better than I did at my last.. So, since I cannot physically run a half marathon this weekend…..I’ll just go ahead and mentally rerun Tinker Bell and share with you my lovely “Half mara-thoughts.”

If you want to read the full details of my Half, you can read it here —>, Moving Mountains…Otherwise this is the quick timeline of thoughts that went through my head during my half. I pretty much remember them clearly, as almost a year later, I still think about it at least 2 times a week.

Disclaimer: All thoughts are my own (HA!). Please be advised that their may be some vulgar language, because anything after 10 miles, there’s usually swear words involved and the mileage markers are just estimates. I memorized the map, but I didn’t memorize it THAT well.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my half mara-thoughts.

2:30am – :::ERR ERR ERR:::: Stupid alarm clock. ACK! Shit…why did I ever agree to do this?

4:30am – I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

4:50am – :::walking quickly to get to the starting corrals:: How the hell did we end up getting here so late? We left at the right time.. Why did it take us so long? I wont have time to stretch! There’s so many people.

5:00am – :::corral A starts::: I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.

5:20am – ::::mind went blank::::

5:22am – :::cross the starting line:: Holy crap, Here goes nothing…I’m doing this.

1/4 mile – Just run as much as I can. As long as I hit the miles every 16 minutes, I’ll be ok. I won’t get picked up.

3/4 mile – Just make it to the top of the hill, then I’ll walk.

1.25 miles – I’m still running!

1.75 miles – We’re going into the park!

2 miles: Hollywood land looks so pretty with all the lights on. :::giggles:: Award Wieners.

2.5 miles: I’m still running.

2.75 – Aww! How cute.  (Disneyland Security police dogs). This is great.. I’m running through Disneyland and security isn’t telling me to “Slow Down!” or “Walk!” like they normally do. That would be funny if their was an old senile security guard was yelling at everyone to slow down or that there is no running.

2.9- Just around this corner and we’ll be coming up to the front gates where we cross over into Disneyland. That’ll be the best part. Wish I can stay at the California Grand hotel.

3.1 – We’re coming into Disneyland! Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy….and running a half. HEY WALT (waves at Firehouse light). MAIN STREET!!!! Ahhhh!!!!!  ::at aid station:: I’ll just put some of this Bio Freeze on my knee, even though its not hurting.

3.25 – ::running past Finding Nemo:::: Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine. Ooooooh, he touched the butt.  Ahhh. I’m H2O intolerant…I”M OBNOXIOUS!! Ahhh…You made me ink.

3.5 – ::running past It’s A Small World:::  They should leave the Christmas lights on all the time. Its so bright! Don’t look at the light!! I caaaan’t heeelp iiiittt! Ha. That was Bug’s life wasn’t it? Or Ants…I think it was Bug’s life. Yea..It was bug’s life. I can’t help it! ::giggles:::

3.75 – Where was the 5k mark? Did I pass it already? I’ve had too. My Ipod is way off on mileage. I should get a GPS watch. I’ll probably never use it though. Not enough to get my money worth anyway.

4 – Four miles, and I’m still running! I can totally do this! Ok, the last bathroom is coming up. I’ll have to tell J that we need to stop there.

4.5 – ::::running through the Castle:::: YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!

4.58 – ::Stop to use the bathroom::. Its all about time. How do I do this? Do I wipe? Do I wash my hands? What’s bathroom etiquette when you’re in a race??

4.59 ::walking:: Wait…I just ran that whole time without stopping? I’ve never done that. Ever! Oh this is awesome. I’m doing it! I’m so bad ass. I’m totally gonna run again! Ok…when I get to that post….ok, now!

5 – ::running in the back lots::: I think they can totally have us run inside the actual park a lot more. I should be the one to make the course map…I’ll make it work. I want to run at Walt Disney World. I’ll do the FULL marathon because the entire time you never leave the Disney grounds. I wonder if Disneyland will ever expand to be as big as Walt Disney World. I want the Animal Kingdom park.

5.5 – :::exiting park:::  Well, there goes the Disney magic. Watch, I’ll probably not be able to run another foot now that all the Disney Magic is gone. My left groin feels tired.

5.89 – Where’s the aid station?

5.9 – ::at aid station:: My knees still ok, but maybe I’ll put BioFreeze on my groin too.

10k – I probably should have thought the biofreeze on my crotch area through little better. It kinda burns my ‘gyna. Ha…Why is my gyna burning? Well, Doc..its kind a of a funny story…

6.5 –  :::noticed an unopened GU pack on the ground::: I should pick it that up. I might need it. Ew, its Chocolate. I might NOT need it. I’ll just eat mine now. I’m halfway done. It’ll hold me til I’m done. I hope. I’m hungry.

7 – Pay attention, knowing me, I’d be the one to sprain my ankle over those railroad tracks…..Why is my groin hurting?

7.5 – :::car turns onto the road and slightly weaves into the course::: Asshole! ::doing math:: This is great! I should finish in under 3 hours! That’s even better than I hoped for! I can’t believe I ran all 4 miles. I probably would have ran more if I didn’t stop to pee.

8 – :::huge gust of hot air blows through the downtown city hall area::: Whoa! Where did all this hot air come from? Its like the dessert!

8.5 – Oh boy! PowerAde.. I’m thirsty. my legs hurting more….the top of my foot hurts. Maybe its my shoelaces that are too tight. I should stretch a minute…just keep going.

9 – ugh. My crotch hurts. A lot.. I want to punch it (my crotch) in the throat. Ha. I grunt like an old man when I start to run again. Ugh…this hurts.

9.5 – :::mind went blank:::

10 – ::::minds still blank:::

10.5 – I don’t want to do this anymore. I should just give up. Omg, my groin hurts so bad. Why is this happening? I can’t go any further. This is dumb. Why is the sun so bright? I give up. Where are the course monitors? Just pick me up now. I quit. I knew I couldn’t do it. Ugh. I hate this.

11 – ::::mind went blank:::

11.5 – Just around this corner, we should be going back into the part and then it’ll be over. Just a little more. I went this far…I might as well just finish it.

11.75 – :::my groin pops!::  :::hunches over and starts crying:: OH-LEE FUCK! (I tend to say it in a more of a British Accent) MY VAGINA JUST BROKE! What the hell just happened? I’m finished. This is dumb. No.. I can’t stop now! I’m so close! I HAVE TO FINISH!! OMG! WHAT WAS THAT! THAT HURT SOOOO BAD! I seriously broke my vagina. Just make it up this hill. Omg, I’m going to die. Just do it like a dude (it was the song that came on). Just do it like a dude.

12 – Just one more mile…no 1.1 more miles. I can do this. I can do this….No..I’m doing this..I’m doing this…I’m doing this.

12.5 – Where is 13? Why is this mile so much longer than all the others? What the hell.

13 – :::chokes up:: THERES THE FINISH! Hey! I still gotta go around this loop! That was mean. I’m going to complete a half marathon…I’m in so much pain.

13.1 – ::Crys:: I DID IT!! I broke my crotch, but I did it. Fuck, that hurt. I did it! That was dumb. I’m never doing that again.

Medal station – ITS SO SHINY! I DID IT!

Post runners area – I’m hungry. I did it. I want BBQ. When do we eat?  My leg hurts.

(The following 3 hours consisted basically of: I’m hungry. When do we get BBQ? Ah, my groin hurts so much. I did it! That was dumb. I’m never doing that again!)

3 days later – I probably could have done better. I probably should have trained more. My leg still hurts. If my leg never would of broke, I totally could have finished in 3 hours. Oh well.. I’m never doing that again. It was too much.

1 week later – So….when I do my next half marathon! I’m determined to do it be at least 3:15 or better. Sub 3 would be fantastic!

Isn’t that almost everyone’s final thoughts? “I’m never doing that again……Wonder which (half)Marathon I should sign up for.”


2 Comments so far
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I just ran the Disney wine & dine, and in the last 10k I was thinking how I’d never be able to do a marathon (because that helped me HOW??? in the middle of a half marathon), but the next day I was looking for running coaches and more races to sign up for. It’s some sort of race-induced insanity.

Comment by Pandora Viltis

Ha. I’m not the only one that has the, I hate this….when is the next? Moments. I bet you had an amazing time. I haven’t read your recap yet (Im 4 days behind) but I do look forward to reading it. See how Florida compares to California….it’s probably better by staying in the park the entire run among other things.

Comment by Attempted Runner

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