Attempted Runner.

Runners are dumb.
02.06.13, 18:28
Filed under: running

Runners are dumb.

Now, before you get all angry with me….at least hear me out. In the end…You’ll agree.

Who in their right mind, gets up at the ass crack of dawn and sometimes even before to go running a 5k, 10k, Half marathon or more? That’s just dumb.
I’ve done it. The earliest I’ve woken up was 2:30am and the latest was 5:30am on race mornings.

Shoot! Who in their right mind, runs 13 miles…26 miles….50 miles…100 miles!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know how far that actually is??? That’s dumb!
I’ve done 13. Maybe I’ll do one of the higher mileage, but not anytime soon. My I-know-him-personally-idol-Dr.-Awesome ran 100 miles, in 18 hours and 48 minutes and 20 seconds.

Who are idiots that are standing behind the starting line, in the freezing cold, half-naked? One word – Dumb.
Some of the people surrounding me are wearing shorts and sports bras or no shirts (men, obviously). If I wasn’t so self-conscious I would do it…but I’m not, so the most naked I’ve got was being out in 30 degree weather in capris and a tank top.

Who are the ones that injure themselves, but just slap on some KT tape and are out there the next day. Are you that dumb?
I got shin splints a Thanksgiving Day race and 3 days later, I was out participating in another 5k, with Shin splints.
I set a PR that day.

Speaking of that….Who, while running, gets injured and keeps going? Do they ask for assistance back to the start? No cause they are dumb. They keep going. Do they think to themselves, “I made it this far, I’ll just keep going and see the medic after?
I’ve done that with my above mentioned shin splints. I’ve done it with the water under my knee (this is the only time I seen a medic, cause I got an ice pack). I kept going with groin/hip pain at mile 9, only for an excruciating pop in my groin during mile 11 at my first half marathon. I kept going….four weeks later, I still have the hip pain.

Who said they are on a budget but still buy $150 race shoes to wear during the $175 race they just entered. Dummy. Save your money!
::raises hand:: Guilty.

Who plans their vacations, around race days? Sorry, I can’t go on that once in a lifetime opportunity trip with you…I have a race that day? Don’t be dumb! Take that vacation!
I check my calendar, before I commit to any invite. I plan vacations around race days – “Let’s go to a vacation to ___name city here___. On Friday we can do ___insert activity here___ and on Saturday we can do the ___insert event name__ run. I signed up for the ___insert mileage here___ race.” <–I’ve used that line a few times.

Who partakes in runs that people throw color at you or throw mud in your face, just because it had the word “RUN” in it? That’s just dumb.
The Color run was great…Kiss Me Dirty was phenomenal! I signed up again for KMD and doing another mud run, both in April.

Who will pee on themselves because they do not want to take time away from setting a record? Ew..Gross and dumb.
I have yet to do this, but I will admit that I skipped putting down a toilet seat cover and washing my hands to save time. It counts.

Who will sign up for Mount Marathon in Alaska? Now that..dangerously dumb. Look it up……
It’s on my bucket list.

Who signs up for two runs in one day or runs back to back because they couldn’t decide which ones to do? Dumb.
I’ve done multiple back to back or same day races…..I’ll keep signing up for more. Because just like them…I can’t decide which is better!

I’m sure there are plenty other reasons why runners are dumb and I’ll probably come up with more reasons when I’m out observing the running community..
When I’m out with them…

I am a runner.

I am proud to be a runner.

I am a dumb runner.

Now, if you didn’t at least answer “I did that” in any of my above reasonings, then feel free to yell at me, scream at me, curse me out… I honestly, don’t mind because if you haven’t done it now…You will.

Whose a proud dumb runner, just like me?



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